World O'Crap

Does some of this stuff better than I do.

How to win friends and influence people.

Apparently, worse is to come. Like this: "Rumsfeld did not describe the photos, but U.S. military officials told NBC News that the unreleased images showed U.S. soldiers severely beating an Iraqi prisoner nearly to death, having sex with a female Iraqi female prisoner and “acting inappropriately with a dead body.” The officials said there was also a videotape, apparently shot by U.S. personnel, showing Iraqi guards raping young boys." It's nice to see the blame someone else culture being applied here. "I didn't get enough training. How was I supposed to know you can't beat, rape and kill prisoners of war?"

What a stupid way to die.

Garlic shelf collapse kills 15

World Texting Champion.

Wow, now there's a skill that'll bring you love, fame and riches - I hear women really dig a guy who can give them a quick SMS.

Ok, so I love my Philishave Cool Skin wet/dry rechargeable shaver.

It's solidly made and nicely-designed but are they using depleted uranium or something for the blades? I mean - 100kg just for the blades - come on!

Did the Romans suffer too much choice in the final days of their empire?

I find the existence of the book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less, both very telling and slightly worrying. I suppose I shouldn't find it worrying as it's pretty obvious life is just too good to too many people in the West.

I haven't read the book, so it's not really fair of me to criticise it and I won't. I will, however, consider the principle that, according to marketing blurb and reviews, forms the basis of this book's argument. I can understand that having too much choice is a problem for many people but this is yet another example of a culture in which nobody really has to face the facts of normal life nor has to accept responsibility for their own lives. Who would have thought that being selfish and ignorant could have caused anyone to be unhappy?

I've long felt we're several generations past the point that the people of the West could probably learn a thing or two from being at the heart of another big war. This book merely reinforces that impression. What a sad state of affairs that is.

Not my politics...

but this gave me a chuckle:

Marky was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up ... fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.

Marky was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret & takes off all his clothes in front of other men & they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go home with some guy & have sex with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises & took little Marky aside to ask him "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Marky, "he works in John Kerry's campaign, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Missing: some of our matter.

If found, please call 555-5555. Well, ok, not really, but slashdot has a good thread on on the search for the universe's missing matter (with links).

Militants aren't just for Christmas, you know...

and not just in Gaza, Columbia, the Philippines or southern Thailand. Even Canada is getting in on the act. Just wait for Bush to find some connection between organised crime in Canadian native communities and Al Queda.

Canada: Masked Quebec Mohawks camp out as RCMP and provincial police ready patrols

How to sing the blues - a primer.

Author Unknown

1) Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.

5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues.. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10) Good places for the Blues:
a) Highway;
b) Jailhouse;
c) Empty bed;
d) Bottom of a whiskey glass.

Bad places for the Blues:
a) Dillard's;
b) Gallery openings;
c) Ivy League institutions;
d) Golf courses

11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if
a) You older than dirt;
b) You blind;
c) You shot a man in Memphis;
d) You can't be satisfied.

No, if
a) You have all your teeth;
b) You were once blind but now can see;
c) The man in Memphis lived;
d) You have a 401K or trust fund.

13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are

a) Cheap wine;
b) Whiskey or bourbon;
c) Muddy water;
d) Nasty black coffee.

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a) Perrier;
b) Chardonnay;
c) Snapple;
d) Slim Fast.

15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16) Some Blues names for women:
a) Sadie;
b) Big Mama;
c) Bessie;
d) Fat River Dumpling

17) Some Blues names for men
a) Joe;
b) Willie;
c) Little Willie;
d) Big Willie

18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:

a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.);
b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.);
c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.);
d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20) I don't care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.

Priceless.

Wassa matter with your dog?

Is your 200 pound Tosa fighting dog simply not tough enough? Maybe you need to get him some body armour for dogs.

Do they do black belts in sex?

Apparently, British actress Leslie Ash suffered a broken rib and punctured lung when she hit a bedside table while having sex.