Saturday, December 17, 2005

English as a Turd Language

Oh how we foreigners rock with mirth when we spot a hilarious local attempt at sign-writing in English. Outside of the USA, Canada, England, Australia and New Zealand, mistakes in written English can be even funnier.

There's a reasonable collection of signs (mostly) in Thailand on this site but actually, I have a bunch I've photographed on my own and every one of them is funnier. Best be gettin'em up on teh web then, eh?

Friday, December 16, 2005

Four Vikings charged with party boat misdemeanors

What's that? More Fwiday aftermoon mithchiff fwom a good friend of Bigguth Dickuth?

The headline certainly reads like Monty Python sketch predicated on political correctness run amok amidst fierce Scandinavians running, er.. amok, does it not?

"Mr Red, do you REALLY expect me to believe that you had not enough time to rape OR pillage this evening?

"I'm sorry squire, I've cracked an 'orn!"

I can see it now, "Erik the Red and four otherwise keen and supportive team players charged with failure to cause enough mayhem"

The Honest Boss

It's Friday. At least in my pathetic, lonely little part of the universe it is. That means drumming fingers on desk, trying to eek that last little bit of functionality out of one pathetic, lonely, weary, old brain cell and, hey, a leedle fun, seƱor?

Whole Mess O'Links

Right, I am so duuurn busy that I jess ain't got time te editorialise a load on these here linkettes so here they are, with little or no adornment, for you to explore and enjoy.


Buy some Pee and Poo. Just in case you're wondering, they're "unconventional cuddly toys" with an "associated line of children's wear" including "temporary tattoos", the wimps.

I can't recall how I found I Hate Music or why I kept the URL but there must be some reason, good or bad, I'm not sure.

This is incredibly useful, but only if you find media releases by the OPP about the latest crime in Essex county, Ontario, Canada.

But what on earth is "Keeping You Informed, Keeping You Safe"? That has to be one of the laziest sayings I've read since I wanted to go postal on this guy, m'kay? Heck, while Mr Angry is still with us, why don't we ask him what he thinks of statements like, "Art Expands. Design Connects." You know what? That ain't NOTHIN.

No. I really feel a strong urge to apply an axe to both of Sam McMillan's ankles for publishing this unadulturated crap:

"Art speaks to our private hopes, our fears and our dreams at the same time it addresses our cultural concerns and aspirations."

I dub thee Sir Labian of Gyneria! Now please die.


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Will ya just look at this crap?

No, I don't mean this blog, I mean THIS crap. With things like the I Love Lucy collection from Beany Baby USA, is it any wonder there are freedom-fighters/terrorists out there who, apparently, hate our way of life and the things we represent?

I get it! "They" don't hate our "religion", our "democracy", our "free press" or any of that other rubbish. Oh no! They are insulted by our pap, threatened by our kitsch and terrified by our chintz.

Perhaps peace on earth and goodwill towards men (and maybe a few women, children and domestic animals too) can finally be found across this good earth.

All we have to do is burn our "loo-wee katorze" repro dinner table and chairs.

the Marshmallow Shooter

Oh boy, they SO needed, like, an army of these things in Hemel Hempstead a few days ago!

But why stop there?

Given the right weapons fitment, the Abrams M1 main battle tank could have turned this into just another "Salami Beach".

Or maybe they could have used a fleet of A-10 Thunderbollocks, better known as Warthotdogs - "Go Ugly Early!".... and Get the Best Seat by the Fire??

"Dammit, Maverick, your mouth is offering foot long hot dogs your body can't, uh..."

well, you get the idea.

Geeking out on multi-dimensional space...

"I love what you've done with the space!"

I wonder what the echo is like? Maybe it never catches up. Hmmm, if a tree falls over in an n-dimensional forest where n > 3 does the universe collapse silently? Are we all enjoying the party too much to hear it?

"Dude, kill the ABBA, I think I just heard a dimension collapse!"

The guy who wrote High-Dimensional Spaces Are Counterintuitive sounds like a real party animal.

If I go to a really great party but my twin brother stays in for the night, do I appear to have aged when I get home, say, three days later?

Pass the space-time continuum, dude...

Right, I must get another cup of coffee.

How can you trademark "cut loose"???

Oops, I think that's supposed to read, "How can you trademark cut loose™". My bad.

Anyway, SplashPower are, ahem, destined to alter forever our daily struggles with power blisters, power bars, plugging gadgets into chargers, unplugging gadgets from chargers, packing multiple chargers, etc...

But what about when I'm traveling and I only need to be able to charge my phone and I don't want to "cut loose™" and carry a SplashPad in my luggage? So far, I've done very well with a single small charger for my phone, batteries for my normal-battery-using PDA and, erm, NO mp3 player. Old skool, y'all.

Sure, I pack a USB charging cable for my phone too. That's a boon. Hit up an internet cafe, charge my phone for free. Sly, huh? But would SplashPower mean I still need to buy individual chargers for traveling?

I thought SplashPads were for people in their "golden years" who can no longer control their bladders and I thought "cutting loose" was slang for a fairly childish, but essential (and very manly), bodily function.


'King Fart™head

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Sling Media is KEWL

Now, you can have access to all your home media programming from anywhere on earth (anywhere with reasonable internet access, that is....)

This is a hoot.

The Al Gore Research Labs are entertaining.

Jewish Airport Humour

A man arrives at Ben Gurion International Airport with 2 large bags.

The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money in different currencies. The agent asks the passenger, "How did you get this money?"

The man says, "You will not believe it, but I travelled all over Europe, went into public restrooms, each time I saw a man pee, I grabbed his organ and said, "donate money to Israel or I will cut off your balls."

The customs agent is stunned and mumbles: "'s a very interesting story... what do you have in the other bag?"

The man says, "You would not believe how many people in Europe do not support Israel."