Friday, December 23, 2005

Anthea Turner Blowed Up Real Good

Whelp, it's the end of the last not-quite-so-working day before XMashup and there's just enough time to lay a classic TV clip on yer.

Looking like in one of SCTV's greatest sketches, "Anfea" Turner gets hers when she blows up real good in this unfeasably well-timed stunt.

No real humans were harmed in the making of this video.

'Shooting school girls in the knee and setting them afire appeals to the deviant interests of minors.'

I wonder if 'Shooting school girls in the knee and setting them afire appeals to the deviant interests of minors.' will be today's quote of the day? This little piece of news also brings you reference to another classic, the headline "Sex Flap Aided Video Game Law".

Being Microsoft CEO for One Day

As part of the reality TV show "Three Wishes," a 10-year-old from Simi Valley is able to realize his greatest wish.

REDMOND, Wash., Dec. 7, 2005 -- On Friday, Dec. 9, there' will be an extra CEO at Microsoft – just for the day. His name is Kiyaan Vazirzadeh. He hails from Simi Valley, Calif. And he's 10.

Vazirzadeh made his wish to spend a day being CEO at Microsoft on the NBC Television reality show "Three Wishes," which follows recording artist Amy Grant on visits to communities all over the U.S., where Grant and her team grant wishes. These wishes range from the simple and light-hearted to the more dramatic and involved, and all feature people who get to witness some of their hopes and dreams made into reality.

Asked to name his heroes when he was still in the first grade, Vazirzadeh wrote about Bill Gates. That did not change through the years, and a compelling essay, coupled with his goal of being a CEO at his young age, prompted Microsoft and the "Three Wishes" team to make his wish come true.

During the day Vazirzadeh spent at Microsoft headquarters – which occurred Nov. 21, just before the launch of Xbox 360, the next-generation video game console – the youth participated in boardroom meetings, greeted Microsoft employees in the building that houses Xbox development, and checked out the Xbox play test lab to ensure that all was ready for launch.

"I wanted to be CEO because it’s the top job you can get at Microsoft," says the fifth-grader. "I enjoyed actually getting to go inside the Microsoft buildings, especially the testing center."

Vazirzadeh also met with Microsoft Chairman and Chief Software Architect Bill Gates, and the two discussed careers, technology and Gates' own habits as a kid. After their conversation, the two exchanged business cards.

"What I like best about technology is the fact that it’s more advanced than having to do things yourself," says Vazirzadeh. "Technology can help you in many ways and we are working through it and using it more than ever before. You can do a lot of things with technology you couldn’t do before."

At the end of the day, Vazirzadeh made one final wish. On behalf of his technology-impoverished school, Simi Valley Elementary, which has never had more than a few computers, and those have out-of-date software, he requested a computer lab, with new hardware and software. Microsoft worked with Lenovo Corp. to provide Simi Valley Elementary with 36 new PCs, a network printer, a portable projector and a Tablet PC for instructional use, enabling the school to build its first-ever computer lab and upgrade its few existing computers with the latest Microsoft software.

"Microsoft and Lenovo were delighted to help fulfill Kiyaan's wish for a technology lab for Simi Valley Elementary School," says John Litten, senior marketing manager of the Original Equipment Manufacturers division at Microsoft. "We admire the desire -- especially at his young age --to help others fulfill their potential and ensure that future generations are able to experience the latest technology innovations from Microsoft and its partners for themselves."

'Three Wishes': Guest 'CEO' Episode Airs Fri., Dec. 9

The episode of "Three Wishes" featuring 10-year-old Kiyaan Vazirzadeh's day as CEO of Microsoft airs in the United States on Friday, Dec. 9 at 9 p.m. on most NBC-TV affiliate stations.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Symantec and McAfee Admit They Worse Than Suck

Not only are they crap but they could make your computer more vulnerable than BEFORE you installed their expensive doucheware.

Tell me something I don't know.

My experience of Symantec/Norton and McAfee "anti"-virus products has been mostly a tale of bloated code, sapped computer resources, crashes, corruptions etc. Using Symantec or McAfee products to protect your computer is like watching FOX to get the news.

However, on top of the fact that their software is too damn big, too damn slow, uses up too damn much of a computer's hard disk space, RAM and CPU power, it has come to light and even been ADMITTED by these companies that their antivirus products "feature" vulnerabilities that could allow hackers to gain access to your computer.

What SHOULD you use? Try ignoring the hype and the cost of those expensive piles of crap instead and have a look at Grisoft's AVG Antivirus (free version here) and ESET's NOD32.

If you are used to that piece of crap Norton or McAfee you got free with your PC and have been paying to update, you will be shocked how fast and free of problems your computer will run with NOD32.

New Jersey: Welcome to the Big, Slow, Stupid Target

Joy-see. Not so much The Big Easy as The Big Easy-to-Hit.

Yeah, yeah yeah, everybody likes to insult New Jersey. Well, can you blame us?

So, the Grate Garden State of Jersey has:

  1. Paid a "consultant" 260,000 clams for a slogan they canned ("New Jersey: We'll Win You Over").

  2. Actually, the state didn't so much turn down the consultant's creation as did the acting governor, Richard Codey, it appears.

    Don Codey sez, "It makes me think of when I was young and single and asked a girl out. She turned me down. I said, 'Give me a chance, I'll win you over.'"

    Yeah, Dick, I'm sure the good people of NJ are happy your childhood inadequacies are guiding their tax dollars. Allegedly.

  3. The chance to choose one of these five finalists:

    • "New Jersey: Expect the Unexpected"
    • "New Jersey: Love at First Sight"
    • "New Jersey: Come See for Yourself"
    • "New Jersey: The Real Deal"
    • "New Jersey: The Best Kept Secret"

But why waste time on those? After all, we all want to know the rejected slogans. Here's a list of everything I could find:

  • "New Jersey: How You Doin?"
  • "New Jersey: Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted"
  • "New Jersey: We can always use another relative on the payroll"
  • "Come to New Jersey: It's not as bad as it smells"
  • "New Jersey: We Hate You, Too"
  • "If Living Here Were Easy, It Would Be Another State"

This Codey character is quite the wag and many of his finest lines accompany this story:

"The top five lines hint at our marvel and our beauty and, if nothing else, it should get us a second date."

But I think nothing beats Codey's final word on the matter, a real toxic word dump: "As a state, we are complex in many ways, but we don't have a complex. We have a big heart and a passion for life. We just need to remind others that the door remains open."

If you happen to be a proud resident of New Jersey, I did not write any of this. Somebody hacked into my blogging account and tried to make me look bad. I mean worse. You, however, can fight back! You can vote on your choice of wonderful slogan here.

New Jersey: We'll Make You An Offer You Can't Refuse.

Senate Blocks Arctic Drilling

Today's biggest reason to be happy!! WOOT! YAY! ETCETERA!!!

My faith in some humans was ever so slighly restored by this fabulous news.

Even to consider opening up this Alaskan nature reserve to oil drilling was pretty darn arrogant but tacking this amendment onto a military spending bill was easily one of the most cynical, sick, twisted and evil things I've seen this goverment do.

That's got to be saying something, no?

Anyway, I reckon this calls for another celebratory cup of tea but to paraphrase at least one crappy Hollywood action movie, it's a bit early to start jerking each other off.

YOU still have to deal with crap like this, this and this.

Forecasting Space Weather Takes a Giant Leap Forward

Those "searing waves of solar plasma" can really put a kink in your day. I know I certainly feel the effects of great plumes of our planet's "plasmasphere" being blown away. The problem was thought to occur on a random basis but scientists have finally connected these intergalactic bad hair days to problems with the Global Positioning System.

Now all they need to do is lern these scientists to speak reasonably intelligent English instead of grade-school blather like, "When these disturbances are happening they can throw stuff off,"

Oral ineptitude nothwithstanding, you can still
head on over to the Discovery Channel
for some bumper-sticker classics like,

"When a stormy bubble of hot plasma arrives from the sun, it starts the plasmasphere roiling and propels streams of plasma from the equator to higher latitudes"

and "The plasmasphere is little more than a planet-encircling cloud of stripped-down, wayward atoms that have been joggled loose from Earth's uppermost ionosphere by solar radiation."

Letterman Lawyers Fight Restraining Order

(Associated Press)

Wed Dec 21, 4:25 PM ET

SANTA FE, N.M. - Lawyers for David Letterman want a judge to quash a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who contends the CBS late-night host used code words to show he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.

A state judge granted a temporary restraining order to Colleen Nestler, who alleged in a request filed last Thursday that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Lawyers for Letterman, in a motion filed Tuesday, contend the order is without merit and asked state District Judge Daniel Sanchez to quash it.

"Celebrities deserve protection of their reputation and legal rights when the occasional fan becomes dangerous or deluded," Albuquerque lawyer Pat Rogers wrote in the motion.

Nestler told The Associated Press by telephone Wednesday that she had no comment pending her request for a permanent restraining order "and I pray to God I get it."

Sanchez set a Jan. 12 hearing on the permanent order.

Letterman's longtime Los Angeles lawyer, Jim Jackoway, said Nestler's claims were "obviously absurd and frivolous."

"This constitutes an unfortunate abuse of the judicial process," he said.

Nestler's application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to convey his desires for her.

She wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love" after his "Late Show" began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.

She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

Her letter does not say why she recently sought a restraining order.

Rogers' motion to quash the order contends the court lacks jurisdiction over Letterman, that Nestler never served him with restraining order papers, and that she didn't meet other procedural requirements.

Say hello to my little friend.

This guy is my new hero. He just looks like the ultimate tough guy. Yeah, that's me all the way, hard drinkin' hard dressin' and hard leerin'.

Oh yeah!

Listen, I gotta keep wastin' bandwidth here on accounta my blog template is a bit sucky and if I don't get the words down past this stupid picture, the next post wraps upside the head.

So...with that minor feat accomplished, let me just add,

Move over Arnie, Sakeman is in town.

Anybody know the Japanese for "El Jeffe"?

Heads roll at Veterans Administration

"Preventive Psychiatry E-Newsletter charged Monday that the reason Veterans Affairs Secretary Anthony Principi stepped down earlier this month was the growing scandal surrounding the use of uranium munitions in the Iraq War."

Mushrooming depleted uranium (DU) scandal blamed

Monday, December 19, 2005

Father and Son Teach Yuletide Lesson to Armed Robbers

Lordy Lord, how I love me the good old, traditional Christmas-time a-beatin' on armed would-be robbers. It just warms my cockles so!

Milwaukee father Alfredo Hernandez and his son turned the tables on their gun-toting attackers so thoroughly that one had to flee and the other had to...well, he had to wait for the cops, who then had to wait for the ambulance to take the nicely battered idiot away.

A cheese knife and a snow shovel play an integral role in this touching family mellow-drama.

Ya gots ta love any news item that reads,

"Oh yeah, I messed him up," Hernandez said. "He came in walking and left in a stretcher."

but to my mind, it's Christmas cash bonus time for the journalist who finishes this piece with:

Hernandez said his favorite movie is "Scarface."


A Cassette Deck for the PC

Oh yeeessss! Just check this l'il puppy out!!

Methinks it just don't get ANY better than this. Well, ok, OBVIOUSLY, if I can find an 8-track version then I can lay my head down and die a completely happy man BUT, this is just gonna have to do.

Where's the open reel version. WHERE IS IT, DAMMIT??

Well these links will have to suffice: some cool stuff (for, like, us totally uncool people). It's quite scary how many of these I actually remember.

I know, I know. You've all been asking for this one for ages, so here it is: PLAYING MODS ON THE ATARI ST. Don't say I never give you nothin' ok?

Now go buy some good 8-track kit, you mother...

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Long live the Trash 80!!!

Yes, "Long live the Model 4!", indeed....

what's that you say? You don't kneel at the hallowed alter of the old Tandy TRS-80 personal computer?

You heathen! Happiness is a warm 5-1/4" disk drive.

Is Critical Journalism To Follow Alpizar To The Grave?

Or is it already dead and buried?

I wish I had more time to consider, research, compose, review and finalise postings like this but I haven't. Nobody pays me to do this but I feel it necessary and if it helps anybody to even the slightest degree, then it was worth it. Bearing that in mind, I offer my humble apoligies here and now for any failure on my part to maintain reasonable style, spelling, grammar, logic or accuracy.

Please don't let my blog be the last stop on your travels.

This is yet another post to remind you that there very much ARE alternative reports, editorials, opinions, sources of information and perhaps even facts available out there, if you know where to look. As always and perhaps more so than ever before, caveat emptor! To anybody who does not remain completely a fool, it is now absolutely clear that we cannot unquestioningly accept ANYTHING we are told by ANYBODY.

You have the tools. Use them.
The responsibility sits with each and every one of us to use our heads, hearts and the universe around us to seek the truth.

Bearing that in mind, we have yet another example of why the above is true.

Rigoberto Alpizar is dead. That is perhaps the only thing we on which we can all agree. There are slight variations in all the stories of why he is now dead but any fool who follows the news can tell you sure, this is a tragedy but the authorities had no choice.

Alpizar was a mentally-ill young man who had not taken his medicine and as a result, had displayed worrying signs of aggression and imbalance at several times and places in the run up to the fatal shooting [Pun not intended. Seriously]. Alpizar was 44 years old.

This reminds me of news reports in Detroit in the 1970s and perhaps even into the following decade that invariably referred to suspects as something along the lines of "...a 26 year-old black youth..." I am not joking. The jokes came later from at least one American comedian who pointed out this stupidity by joking about "...a 38 year-old negro youth..." You really think I make this stuff up?

So back to the diatribe at hand. What choice did those poor air marshalls have? They were confronted with a man running up and down the aisle of that packed aircraft, shouting that he had a bomb. What else could they do? What would you have done? It's obvious isn't it?

Or is this really what happened?

Once again almost all - perhaps even all - of the news outlets reported some slight variation on the same story.

Once again, almost all - perhaps even all - of the news outlets reported the only thing they could at the time - reports by federal officials.

Once again, reality appears to be charting a different course from that maintained by the authorities. Havey you checked the definition of psychosis lately?

Now that news outlets have had time to begin compiling their own reports, based on their own investigations and their own uncovering of what may be the facts in this case, some worrying inconsistencies appear to be exposed.

But are we not living in the 21st century? Do we not benefit from near instant access to overwhelming historical record, analysis and opinion? Has anybody not heard some variation on this:

"He who forgets history is condemned to repeat it."

It seems as if every time we "paranoid, anti-establishment, conspiracy-theorist cranks, screwballs and nutjobs" question official position, wonder aloud about general public opinion, point out apparent consistencies or otherwise fail to toe the party line, we are later shown to have been at least somewhat on the right track.

There, I did it. I just consigned all of this and every thing I ever write here to the scrap heap. I used emotive, left-wing-sounding terminology. "Look! He said 'party line'!! He's a red-and-gold-tutu-wearing, Marxist-Lennonist reactionary gay boy. Don't listen to a word he says! He obviously hates us and everything we represent!"

I don't hate you, I hate the wrongs you do. And maybe that awful print you're wearing, darling, but the truth is out there.

Remember, just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you....

I must have been about twelve when my father, a medical doctor, used to work all day and night in emergency. He would come home completely exhausted at some God-awful hour but the next day, he often had interesting tales to share with us. I always got a kick out of hearing about the latest "Jesus-freak" character the cops had dragged into the hospital shortly after they had dragged their fat asses out of the donut shop.

Dad would tell how these characters - invariably wild-eyed, shaggy-maned and oddly-dressed - would insist they were Jesus Christ. Invariably, they were also nutjobs, suffering from extreme emotional imbalance of one kind or many. After all, they couldn't ALL be Jesus, there were only two Jesuses. And don't get pernickity with me, ok?

But even at my young age, I asked how they knew this was not Jesus Christ? Hell, HE's supposed to return at some point, isn't HE? For Christ's sake, where would we be if the first time around, he'd been dragged off to hospital, protesting his innocence and mental health, only to be bound, drugged and "treated for his obvious illness"?

Anyway, enough of me prattling on about all the morons who are allowed to call themselves journalists these days. You don't need to read my ego-centric bluster about the sorry state of "news" organisations. You might want to listen to Robert Fisk when he criticises news reports, however.

You know what really worries me? JFK was killed over thirty years ago and we STILL don't know the truth. One bullet? Yeah, right. If you swallowed that one, boy do I have a real-estate deal for you!