Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Lab officials excited by new H-bomb project

Whew! and not a minute too early, either!

What else could we need more than a new atomic weapon?

Those old ICBMS, B1 ordinance and cruise missiles are just, so, old, you know? How else can we deal with IEDs, AK-47s, rock-throwing crowds and all manner of known unknowns, unknown knowns and, doh, unknown unknowns? Fifty megatons just don cut it no mo, namsayin?

You kids shutup about the hunger, already! Jesus Christ, can't you see we're busy preparing to turn you into dust? you won't be so hungry then, will you?

I'm missing something here. I wonder what would help me understand you "humans" a bit better? Crack cocaine? Opium? Glue?

Should I try holding my breath until I'm blue in the face? Would that help?

Oh I got it! More yoga! More and more and more and more until I can truly shove my own head up my own, erm, mobius?

I mean, the USA only has about 10,000 nuclear warheads.

"We are on the verge of an exciting time," the nation's top nuclear weapons executive, Linton Brooks, said last week at Lawrence Livermore weapons design laboratory.

And people think I'M NUTS? Excuse me while I hit the Yoga. Then, me and some friends are gonna get hooked up with some cheerleaders, a few bottles of Jack, plenty of oil and even more grunting. It should be a steamy night of Mobious Strip Poker.

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